An Ephesians 5 Wedding Sermon

An Ephesians 5 Wedding Sermon

 Those who go through pre-marital counseling with me know that when it comes to the Wedding sermon, Ephesians 5 is simply the default message, for it paints the perfect picture of Bride and Groom and their relationship to Christ and His Church. This month, since I also think it’s useful for Christians to have sermon reading as part of their theological repertoire, I thought I’d share the most recent wedding sermon preached at Zion, substituting the individual’s name with simply the generic “bride” and “groom”, since it’s fitting for anyone in the nuptial bond! 

 “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen. Grace, mercy, and peace be unto you, “Groom” and “Bride”, and to all their family and friends from God our Father, and our Savior Jesus who is the Christ.  

 Jesus said in John 10:35, “And Scripture cannot be broken.” The word “broken” in the original language is where we get the word “loosed” or “loosened” from. God’s Word cannot be loosened up or changed. By way of analogy, the hiker walking in steep terrain does not want his footwear to be loose around his ankles, but tight and secure, lest his ankle roll and he fall off a cliff! In the same way, the Christian has for our feet, a secure foundation that cannot err, that we can be confident in, that we can trust wholeheartedly. The Word of God that cannot be broken, changed, loosened, or altered; the Word of God that does not conform to the times or the spirit of this age.  

 Ephesians 5 is the most exhaustive teaching on marriage in God’s Word. It sets before us timeless, informative, and helpful instruction on not only how to view marriage, but live in it. These words are the foundation for the vows that “Groom” and “Bride” will be making in a few minutes. When the modern, contemporary ear hears these words, it is tempted to scoff at them, dismiss them as outdated, or even mock them. At the very least, our sinful flesh has been so catechized by modernity that we are uncomfortable with Paul’s words simply because they are so foreign to our worldview. The sinful flesh is tempted to think things like, “The Bible is outdated, written by chauvinists who suppressed women!”  

 Instead, I charge not only “Groom” and “Bride”, but every single of you, to let God’s Word simply have its way with you. I ask you to place your reason and experience in submission to the Word for just a moment and contemplate the Divine majesty. What if there was a God who not only created everything by the power of His Word, but also loved it all? What if that love was so deeply rooted that He’d offer up His only-begotten Son Jesus Christ to pay for the sins of not only our first parents, Adam and Eve, but “Groom’s sins, “Bride’s sins, your sins, my sins, the sins of those who have not yet even been born? If there be such a loving God, would we not expect that perhaps He might want to communicate with you the crown jewel work of His hands?  

This is what the Bible is. It’s God’s Word to us. And suppose this perfect loving God, in addition to offering His holiness and forgiveness of sins through the Word and Sacraments, the gifts of which are received only by faith, also wanted us to know how to live out our lives as His dear children? Such a loving God would certainly give directions for how to find true happiness first and foremost in Him, and by conforming to His will. We know this from earthly experience. All of us here today had parent figures in our lives, whether it was as God instituted – a mother and a father – or at the very least one man or one woman that cared for our needs, who faithfully did their best to be a mother or father to us. They would set rules. These rules were for our wellbeing and safety: “Don’t play in the street. Don’t put your hand on the stovetop. Wash your hands before you eat.” We all know from experience that even though sometimes those rules annoyed us or disrupted our fun – for me it was always the “Be home when the street lights turn on” (we always seemed to be right at the end of either a basketball or football game!), in hindsight we know the rules of our parents were for our good.  

 God gives us His Word to follow that we might find our contentment in His Word. The difference between our parents and God, however, is that we might have been able to butter-up our parents into giving us special treatment or gaining their favor. With God, He shows no partiality, and we can’t appease His wrath towards sin. We certainly cannot earn His grace or favor. Instead, Jesus died for our sins and transgressions, that when we repent of our sins, we can turn to the cross of Jesus, point to it and say, “There is where Jesus forgave me. My sins have been washed away. God shines His face upon me for Jesus’ sake. There’s nothing I can do to merit this love. I cannot by own reason or strength believe in Jesus or come to Him.” Paul writes, “No one can say, ‘Jesus is Lord’ except by the Holy Spirit’.” Where there is faith in Jesus for the forgiveness of sins, that faith exists because the Holy Spirit gave it as a gift. Ephesians 2:8-9, “By grace you have been saved through faith; it is the gift of God, not of works, so that no one may boast.”  So now, as forgiven children of God, who loves us perfectly in a way only a true God could, we want to make our heavenly Father happy. Faith trusts that if God gives us a set of rules, then it is for our good. So when God says in our Epistle reading, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Eph 5:22), this is not chauvinistic, outdated, or suppressive. It’s for everyone’s good, bride and groom. The word “submit” in the original language of the New Testament means to be ordered under. The one under orders trusts the one in charge of their oversight. The soldier trusts his captain. The wife, before she gets married, needs to trust her husband that he is going to take care of her and do his best to provide what she needs physically, emotionally, and most importantly spiritually. The sin of our first parents was Adam’s inability to teach and lead Eve away from the temptation of the serpent after all.  

 The wife’s submission reflects the church’s submission to Christ Jesus. Paul says as much. “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (Eph 5:24). Paul does not go into much detail here, but he doesn’t have to. The mandate for the wife to submit is predicated upon what the husband is charged with. What I don’t mean is that the wife can choose not to submit if the husband fails to do his duty. No, a duty is a duty whether others around you do their duty or not. When a parent asks a child, “Why didn’t you do your chore?” they often answer, “Well, - insert the name of one of their siblings – didn’t do their chore!” The parent’s response: “I’m not interested in what they didn’t do. I’m interested in what YOU didn’t do!” Likewise, husbands and wives have each been given a duty by God, and they both are charged to faithfully do it regardless of the other’s fidelity to their “chores”.

 So, what I mean by the wife’s submission is predicated upon the husband’s role is that her submission is defined by the husband’s love for her. The Church submits to Christ because He perfectly loves her. The husband, as Paul writes, is to love his wife, “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph 5:25). The husband’s love is selfless and sacrificial, putting the desires and needs of the wife above his own. He does not domineer or lord his authority over his wife. He serves her with his selfless love.  

 But here’s the catch. There is no man who can faithfully do this without sinning. No husband can execute the love for his wife that is commanded of him. So, you see, the husband, whose charge is to love his bride as Christ does His church, better have humility and live in repentance when he fails his duty. He, therefore, will model the Christian life of repentance for his bride. Though the husband cannot love her perfectly, he better well try, and try hard, remembering all the while that neither he nor his wife do their duty based on how the other performs theirs.  

You, “Groom”, and you, “Bride”, each have a duty. Do it. Do it faithfully. “Groom”, love her. “Bride”, respect him. And when you fall short, be Christians, and forgive each other. You are not a Christian if you cannot forgive, because the one who cannot forgive should not expect the Heavenly Father to forgive them. Jesus said that. Forgive each other and walk in the forgiveness of sins your Jesus has earned for you with the shedding of His blood. “Groom”, lead your bride. “Bride”, let your groom lead you. Both of you, submit to Christ Jesus who is your Head.  

Finally, marriage is hard. It takes a lot of work. In addition to living in repentance and forgiveness, remember to take and make a pointed effort to have fun with each other. Try new things, explore new things. Keep talking. Hold no grudges. Instead hold fast to the grace God gives you. Receive His gifts in Word and Sacrament together, and remember that the most important guest at your wedding is the same Guest who presides over the Divine Wedding Banquet, both here in time at the Lord’s Table and there in eternity, Jesus who is the Christ. Now, let’s go get married! In Jesus’ name, Amen.